waiting for a miracle

Our 4th IVF Cycle

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Welcome to our 4th IVF cycle. We had planned to update this blog daily, but we have been way too busy to get on to it (and adding the photos have taken literally hours). So we have been keeping this diary. Here is our diary to share with you about the days so far. We will try to update more often, but as you will read here, you’ll see how hectic life becomes once in cycle. It is a bit long but it covers the last month and what we have been up to. You’ll want to read it all the way to the end. 🙂

Saturday 30th January 2016

So today, Saturday, is cycle day one. Woo hoo! Finally! And in true form for my body, it has come not only on a weekend, but after the 12pm cut off for bloods and that could mean no bloods until Monday…. Lucky for me I have found one place open in our countryside location tomorrow, Sunday, to get bloods for cycle day one bloods (which yes technically will be cycle day 2). That could mean that as early as Monday we could be starting injections if my blood work comes back okay. I am so super excited. As Celine Dion sang a song that says, a new day has come…. And yes that is today and new hope! Woo hoo! So for now, I will continue as normally as I can, live with that hope and anticipation for tomorrow and keep smiling away here.

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Monday 1st February 2016

Yesterday I got up early and went for bloods. Came home and started to play with the dogs outside… and then Scott saw a snake! Aaaaaaaah! We spent a few hours waiting for a snake catcher and that never happened…. But we did call the IVF clinic to let them know we had been for bloods. The nurse said to call the next day (Monday) to find out results.

Well this morning I got a text that read: “Hi Jennifer. Your results are good to start. Collect your medications from the chemist at the clinic. Start your Menopur 150 units daily from today. Remember to inject at the same time each day. Come to the clinic on Friday for a blood test and ultrasound. Your scan is booked in for 7.15am.”

Photos: Some of the medications – and the loooong instructions of how to prepare the medicine, check out the full price of the medications, the medication ready to be prepared, and Katie preparing the medications.

Woo hoo! So it has begun. Scott couldn’t get home from work tonight for the first injection, so my lovely friend Katie played nurse and mixed up the potion very well. She also injected it because I’m not quite at the point where I can do that to myself!! Thanks Katie! 🙂

I also forgot to start my prednisone on Saturday… oops… So I have started that today and this will continue well into the pregnancy (I am being optimistic!). 🙂

Photos: the syringes that will measure my daily injections, the medications stored in the fridge in their safe place.

Tuesday 2nd February 2016

Another injection tonight. This time Scott could do it for me. We almost forgot to do it – out of practice! But we remembered. Phew! I have to brace myself for the needles and he jabs away.

Photos: Scott preparing the injections and then about to jab me.

Friday 5th February 2016

So we have been having the nightly injection at roughly the same time each night. Up early to head to the city for our 7.15am appointment. That meant getting up at 4am to leave home super early. First feeding the dogs and toileting them so that they are set for the day. On the way in we heard that there was a breakdown… not good for us or the people broken down.

After leaving home sooooooo early so that we could get there early, we still ended up having no way to be there on time and had to call the clinic to say that we would be late. We ended up not being too late but then they had to fit us in around patients. Traffic is so unpredictable. Another blood test before we could head back to work for both of us. Thankfully my favourite sonographer was on again. She took me in and was so lovely as always. This is the type of person you want working in this field. Infertility can be so difficult to say the least, and having such a friendly and encouraging person is just incredible. I tear up thinking about just how lovely she is – maybe the hormones are going crazy in me but people like this make the world a better place.

Photos above are of the clinic, the traffic, the waiting room, the ultrasound info, the ultrasound bed and the giant ultrasound machine. Yes, it is true, this journey is not glamorous and this is something we all have to go through on this journey!!!

We also had a 4pm appointment later that day with the fertility specialist so we both headed back into the city straight after work to get back to the clinic. Our fs was running behind time anyway so we had plenty of extra time – the appointment ended up being closer to 5pm. Worked for us. 🙂

I picked up my trigger medication for when I finally get to prepare for egg collection – made the trip even more worthwhile.

Today we spent about $40 in parking. Seems crazy to pay money to stop a car but that’s the city for ya! Lucky the place we go to is actually very cheap for the city and it is nice and close to the clinic.

On the way home we went to visit my best friend and her gorgeous family. Every time I see her and her awesome husband with their kids, I smile. I do hope we can have kids too, and that our kids can be friends. But if we never do get that opportunity, the time spent with them and their kids is just incredible. Scott and I just love hanging out with them. We think of them as family. Being an aunty and uncle is also a fun role to play. We adore these kids. They could melt any heart. Gorgeous in every way.

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My bestest friend in the whole world. We have been best friends since we were 10, so that’s 22 years now! She is such an inspiration and support to me. If you know her, tell her she is awesome! She really is! And she is the most incredible mother. I hope to be even a quarter as great as she is – that would still make me a fantastic mother!

We had so much fun seeing them that we lost track of time…. And our drive home is approx. 1.5 hours…. We left around medication time. So we were late this night AND we had the text to say it was time to start doing the second injection at the same time and same place each night. So needless (like that pun) to say, when we got home it was straight to injecting… twice.

Sunday 7th February 2016

We have been injecting the two medications now since Friday night. My legs are starting to get a little bit sore and slightly bruised. This is nothing to the clexane though! I have also had such a horrible migraine today. The hormones! Must mean the hormones are at work in my body. I had planned to do a ton of work today but instead spent the entire day in bed with the room as dark as possible. Thankfully I have Scott here to look after the dogs, housework and me! Thank you Scott – taking one for the team.

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Monday 8th February 2016

We had to be up early again to be in the city for a 7am appointment for an ultrasound and blood test. We were up before 4am and decided to leave much earlier just in case there was another traffic incident. I checked the traffic app when we left home and all was clear on the roads. We should arrive at the clinic at about 45 mins before they even open at this stage… Well by the time we dropped Scott’s car off at work to then take my car, well…. There were a few traffic incidents around Sydney! So we played special navigation around all of the incidents. We managed to make it to the appointment before they opened thankfully.

Photos are of the blood test form, Scott injecting me, The alarms set to wake up and the medications in the fridge.

My favourite sonographer was on again. She really is awesome and is totally in the right field. She makes us feel calm and hopeful. She told me that we could have egg collection on Wednesday or possibly even Friday. But probably sometime this week. Fingers crossed.

Photos: more bloods, and more ultrasounds with the huge ultrasound machine.

We were leaving the city by about 7.40am. Traffic leaving the city was going really well and we were both set to be at work either early or on time easily…. And then we stopped. Yep, traffic stopped. I really shouldn’t be surprised by now but I always am. I checked my traffic app while Scott continued to drive at a 10km pace. An accident in the tunnel, happened 4 minutes ago. Took us a while to get through and thankfully it wasn’t a bad accident at all – seems like a rear ender. All people okay, just some car bumps and lots of traffic.

Scott was a bit late and I literally just made it in time. Was a bit touch and go there but we both survived another early morning run!

That evening I got the text:

“Please have your last dose of Menopur and Orglutran as usual tonight and then no more. Please have your Ovidrel 250 unit trigger injection at 1am tonight/Tuesday morning. This is your final injection. Please have nothing to eat or drink from 6am on Wednesday morning. Both arrive at the Day Surgery at 12.15pm on Wednesday. You will pay the $600 by card on the day. Kind regards.”

I had a bit of a ‘what the? Already’ moment! Time for collection baby! Woo hoo! But then I have to not eat until after 12.15pm on the Wednesday. Ahhhhh I don’t know how I will get through that ime! I will have to get up super early to eat. And then Scott pointed out the 1am wake up to do the trigger… yikes! All good – it’s the small things we all do to get to where we go.

Tuesday 9th February 2016

Final injections done! Yay! Now to head to bed and set lots if alarms so we don’t sleep through the trigger time!

I set 4 alarms to be safe… I tossed with the idea of setting more but decided 4 should be enough as Scott will have some more too… I still slept through 3 alarms! Oops! Scott did the needle at exactly 1.03am. And then I rolled over and went back to sleep.

Photos: Just a few alarms….

It feels weird to be finished needles already. I am feeling pretty good about egg collection tomorrow. I feel like things have to be okay. I just hope and pray that we can get some good numbers and that they fertalise well and I really hope that we get some to freeze. I feel like getting them to freeze is my best bet at this but it is all out of my hands now.

Well it is 10.48pm so I better get ready and head to bed. I have to be up early to have some breakfast or I will be super hungry! Yes, for me it is all about food! I know people may not realise it given that I am built slim, however that is probably how you could know it – I’m slim because nothing stays on me so I have to eat waaaaaaay more often to keep my body functioning.

Oh, and another thing – I am so super excited for my good sleep tomorrow. Best sleep in the world coming up please 🙂  night night.

Oh one last thing before I go to bed – I wanted to add up the needles for this round. I know that there haven’t been as many as others, other rounds I have stimmed for much longer than this. So this round I have had 8 of the menopur, 4 of the orgalutran, 1 trigger, one will be at egg collection, plus the 3 blood tests. So all up to tomorrow I would have had 17. I will then have to start on the Clexane injections – really not looking forward to this, and an infusion – I will explain more when I know more about this (I know a bit but will explain when I do it).

Wednesday 10th February 2016

Egg pick up!! We were up nice and early on Tuesday morning to do the 1am trigger injection so that we could have egg collection on Wednesday. By the time this morning came it felt so fast.

We got up nice and early so that I could get in one last meal before having to fast until at least 12.15pm. So I was up at 5am so that I had time to eat some veggie burritos and a hot drink. Yep, hit the spot and a giant glass of water so that I could be finished just in time before 6am came, when I had to be food and liquid free. And after that meal I headed back to bed for another hour or two.

Before we knew it, the time had come to leave home to head in to the city for our egg collection. So it was time to say bye to the dogs and the chickens. Time for me to lay my own eggs and have someone else take them to hatch them.

We got to the clinic with time to spare, Scott offering kindly to get some food for me and then remembering that I have to fast. Yes, I was already hungry again. Time to head to level 2 for the day surgery. There were many people waiting for their special egg collections and the air con was playing up so we were all in the hall together. Well, more like a fancy foyer. The guy sitting beside Scott was playing on his phone – as every single person was doing. I’m not sure if he realised that there are these special little things that go in his ear that would allow just him, and not the entire foyer, to listen to that interesting choice in music. I almost showed him mine, but decided he may not want to know because once you know something you can never un-know it. The song had very repetitive lyrics about “going to miss me when I’m gone” – I wondered if I would miss this patron in the foyer when we was gone… I didn’t think so…. Because this song would linger with me in my head into head pick up… thanks buddy, maybe I should have enlightened you with the headphones.

Time for height and weigh in – I had no idea what I was, again. And time to get dressed into the really attractive hospital gown, cap and oh so sexy ‘shoes.’ I had to take a quick photo… These could become fashion one day. Really, what’s not to like about them?

Scott was called in to wait with me – maybe I seemed a little too excited for the sleep that was to come. Haha, no the doctor wanted to see us both prior to entry. They said scans showed that we may get 2-3 eggs. I was in a bit of disbelief. That’s it? All this hard work and needles for 2-3 eggs? Well we prayed about it and hoped for the best. Time for me to head in and for Scott to go to level 3 where the boys go to give their hardest part of the whole process.

Photos: Totally rocking this hospital look!

I went into the surgery room and lay on the bed. Had to answer all the questions about date of birth, address, husband etc. I passed the test. The anaesthetist put the needle in my arm while the doctor and nurses chatted with me. Lots of laugh happening and that’s before the happy stuff goes in. And then I started counting thinking the sleepy stuff had gone in. I got up to 14 and stopped… realising that the stuff hadn’t gone in yet. I had a giggle about not knowing when I would fall asleep and the doctor said ‘goodnight’ with a smile and that’s all I remember. Out like a light bulb!

I woke up to the nurse beside me and of course, happy ‘drunk’ me. Telling the nurse thank you so much and how happy I am that they could do this. I was thanking her and anyone that walked past. I even asked for a photo with her. Oh deer, it’s like when you may have had slightly one too many and then realise all those photos you took really were taken. Yes, looking back at my photos I was a happy snapper. Can’t take me anywhere! How embarrassing! The nurses are such good sports though. They just smile at us. 🙂

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The nurse came back when it was time to start getting ready to really wake up and move to the recovery chair. As I sat up I felt a bit wobbly and said, ‘oh I feel a bit tipsy, but I promise you I haven’t been drinking!’ She laughed and replied, ‘oh dear I would be worried if you had haha.’

Scott came to the recovery chair as I arrived in it and on the table was my recovery information sheet with the words ’10 eggs’ written on it. I gave Scott the biggest grin!

Photos: In the chair having some food, recovering in my tipsy bed. The bed was tipsy, it totally wasn’t me. All smiles!

After eating some food and having a heat pack on the tummy for the pain, it was time to head home. Needless to say we grabbed some food on the way, I was so hungry!

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Woo hoo – time to go home and eat!

Thursday 11th February 2016

I was in a bit of pain today but went back to work. I didn’t want to take more time off than I had to. And the anxious wait to find out how the eggs go continued. I got the call to say that of the 10 eggs collected, only 6 were mature. So 4 were unable to be used. Of the 6 that were mature, 4 of those had fertalised. Now we wait some more.

Friday 12th February 2016

Time to start crinone morning and night. This is also commonly referred to in the IVF world as cottage cheese. Yes, you won’t eat that again if you do IVF. It’s amazing how quickly I forgot how all this stuff works.

Saturday 13th February 2016

Today I head to the hospital for an intralipid infusion. This is to help my body not attack any embryos. The guy giving me the needle for the drip tried to get it in near my hand – I suggested he try my arm but who am I to know my body right? So he tried, and tried, while I respectfully grimaced in pain! And after trying his way he decided to try my arm, saying that my vein was too wobbly. So in the needle went into my arm. Yes, it hurt. No, it didn’t stop hurting. Yes, next time I am going to hope it is anyone but this guy inserting these in our arms (sorry, I’m sure you’re usually great at what you do but I now have a phobia of seeing you. My problem not yours. Thank you for this new phobia).

Scott was giggling away and snapping photos as this guy tried to put the needle into my arm. I think he enjoyed my reactions a bit too much!

The infusion starts at approximately 2pm and goes until 11pm. In hindsight I should have stayed over at the hospital but I also really wanted to be at home with Scott and the dogs afterwards.

Usually (so I hear), you have your own room when doing these, and of course it is in the maternity ward. So you hear the new lungs being tested out. Well today I was lucky enough to share the room with a lovely lady who was also having the same thing done. She is now further along the journey than us and believes this protocol has been the thing to help her. Fingers crossed it does the same thing for us.

The all important hospital vegan food. Delicious! I sent my compliments to the chef!

I took four bags of work to do at the hospital. I literally had so much to do. But the position of the needle meant that I had to keep my arm straight. So no work for me. Luckily though, the lady I shared with was so lovely. We got on so well and talked the entire day. This journey has been a long, hard one but I have made some incredible friends along the way. If you (my new friend) are reading this – thank you for making the day go so quickly. I am so glad I met you! It was like we had been friends forever. Nice to meet someone who I don’t have to explain myself to and that doesn’t offer the typical offending advice of, ‘it will happen when it’s meant to’ or ‘relax and it will happen’ or ‘when I stopped trying we had a kid’ or ‘have you tried bla bla.’ We giggled together for hours about all the ‘tips’ we had both been given. People don’t seem to understand that sometimes the real issue is the carrying of a child. If you can’t carry a child, none of the above bits of advice will stop you miscarrying. So please don’t give this advice to someone who has lost a child, never mind 6! It becomes quite offensive to say the least. Getting pregnant is the easy part (even if having to do it via IVF many times over) – staying pregnant to full term is the issue and when your immune system is partially to blame, having a holiday isn’t going to fix it. BUT seeking medical advice from qualified professionals just might. Along with the huge price tag. $650 for the intralipid today. And thankfully hospital cover is through our insurance or we would be looking at a lot more. And when we do get pregnant, we will have to have these infusions every 3-4 weeks.

We got home well after midnight after the long drive home from the hospital. And then slept in until about 10.49am. I could have kept sleeping. But had to get up and get something done!

Photos: The drip that was in my arm (ewww!), the infusion (part of it), the view, Scott laying down on the bed beside the view, and me with the baby blanket to cover the needle in my arm for the whole day in my hospital bed.

Monday 15th February 2016

Embyro transfer day. So I woke up having no idea how things were going. Would there even be anything to transfer? I had a pre-transfer acupuncture appointment at a specialist place in the city for 12.40pm. Mum and I went in on the train together and had some lunch. We haven’t had a chance to do this in years so it was really nice to see mum – although I had such high anxiousness about what the day would bring.

We arrived at the acupuncture place and the lady began sticking the needles in me again. Or the pins. Same thing really. And then I had to lie there for 25 min or so. Sounds relaxing but I had a headache already from the hormones and from the crinone progesterone which is one on board twice a day, 12 hours apart.

Lying there trying to sleep wasn’t working. But I relaxed as best as I could anyway. And once it was over at 1.30pm we had to rush to the train station to catch the train to the day surgery again in the hope that I could have an embryo to transfer.

Scott made it there before us. We got there and there were so many other couples also waiting and hoping like us. I didn’t see the guy that I would miss when he’s gone. They may have already been and gone.

Finally it was our turn and I was so glad because I was busting to pee!!! You have to have a full bladder for the embryo transfer. I think I had more than a full bladder.

Scott and I walked in to see our Doctor. The scientist greeted us with some news. Out of the 4 embryos one had made it to blastocyst and was now hatching – this is the best quality that you can get. We have never had a hatching embryo before. One embryo wasn’t good to freeze just yet but they would check in on it tomorrow and see if it can be frozen (don’t hold you breath) but the remaining two hadn’t made the 5 days.

The doctor prepped me and the scientist showed the embryo on the screen. A beautiful little blob of hatching cells. Woo hoo. The scientist brought he or she over and the doctor transferred the little one to me. All done (bit of pain and discomfort but I’m brave). We promised that *when* this one is born we would bring them in to visit. Thinking positive here!

After transfer it was time to go to the post transfer acupuncture. Again, hard to sleep or relax while having a pounding head. But there’s another $150 to help make a baby stick.

At last, I walked in the door at 7pm, so tired and ready for bed but first had some work to catch up on since the hospital visit didn’t go to plan.

Tonight I also had to add in the pessaries on top of the crinone. Yikes, that sucks!

Photos: horses in the city, the view on the train, waiting room for transfer, photo with Scott, photo with Mum, our little hatching embryo, acupuncture.

Tuesday 16th February 2016

Today is my first full day with crinone and pessaries twice each per day. This is for progesterone. My steroids are on a higher dose now too and tonight I had to start with the clexane injections again too. Oh, here come the bruises. And the hunger from the steroids. All what it takes to make a baby…. We hope.

Wednesday – Saturday 17th – 20th February 2016

So I have been getting up at 5.30am to do the pessaries (have to lay down for 45 min each time) and then racing home to get them done at 5.30pm or as close to! They have to be done 12 hours apart. I have also been using the crinone gel at 11.20am and 11.20pm as they also have to be done 12 hours apart. Then the clexane is at 7pm each night – last night it really stung! And now the bruises are starting to show, after only 4 injections! And prednisone is now two tablets twice a day. I’m eating like a person who never stops eating! Having so many main meals a day and still hungry!

I have had sore boobs which could just be the progesterone. And on Tuesday and Wednesday I had twinge type pain in my ovaries which could just be them coming back to ‘normal’ after all of the medications. I am trying my best not to read into any of the ‘symptoms.’

Tonight I have a sleepover at my sister’s for my other sister’s birthday party. I don’t remember the last time I went to a sleepover, but I guarantee you I wasn’t shooting myself with a needle and taking drugs (prescription of course)! So tonight should be interesting as I will be searching for someone to inject me with the clexane and I will have to find a place to lay down for the pessaries. Oh and last night I got the call from the immunologist to say to take two tubes of the crinione gel in the morning and 12 hours later take the two pessaries. So today is my first day to trial this. Hopefully it will make life less complicated! 🙂

I am now 5dp5dt. Yep if you can understand that then you are a fellow IVFer… it means that today I am 5 days post a 5 day embryo transfer. Usually a pee on a stick will show about 9 days post, but this round I am hoping I can resist and just hold out for the blood test on Friday – which will be 11 days post 5 day transfer.

Sunday 21st February 2016

Well the sleep over went pretty well. I found someone who could administer a needle for me – thank you so much! And this was the first time ever the clexane needle itself didn’t hurt! Thank you ex-nurse! All that training helped! I tried to explain to Scott how she did it (although that’s kinda hard as I wasn’t watching!) but I haven’t been able to explain well enough. The liquid still stung but it was nice not to have a double whammy.

I thought I would have been able to administer my pessary as per usual, but didn’t really have the opportunity to lie down for the 45 min needed afterwards…. So I tried another way that has been suggested before by many other IVFers. I hadn’t tried this as I didn’t want to cause an UC flare up. But I decided to give it a go. And it seemed to be fine. Woo hoo.

And not having to wake up at 5.30am just to administer meds this morning was great! 🙂

Monday 22nd February 2016

Today I had a few tears. I just didn’t feel like this one was working. I felt like this may not be our turn. I have tried so hard with every step of our journey to be positive, but today I felt so sad and was on the verge of tears any time anyone asked how things were going. It could also be the hormones. The thought of having to go through all of this again. And how many times can we actually do this? I don’t know if we have any frozen embryos either. It was nice to put my head down to sleep.

Tuesday 23rd February 2016

I am still feeling much the same as yesterday. I want so much for this to finally be our little miracle but I’m just not feeling like it has worked. Another girl who had a transfer the same day as me at the same clinic got her bfp (big fat positive) when she did her poas (pee on a stick) pregnancy test. I am genuinely happy for her. I hope this is her turn. It does make women like me question ourselves – will we ever hold our own babies in our arms? Will we ever see our husbands be the incredible dad’s that they would be so amazing at if given the opportunity?

When I got home there was a letter waiting in the mail. We have one embryo that made it to freeze!!!! I cried! We have one frozen! Praise God!!! That in itself is a miracle!

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Well I was feeling so flat and low about the current embryo that I decided to do a poas to confirm my thoughts so I could just move on. Well, to my surprise, a very faint line appeared. I showed Scott when he got home. We were both reluctantly happy. We both wanted to jump around for joy, but that line was pretty faint – could it be a chemical? That means I have tested prior to a period and when a period comes it goes with the period and had we not done a test we’d never have known. We smiled and hugged, and prayed but knew that this doesn’t confirm it yet. We decided we would wait now until the blood test and see for sure. Plus the night sweats that I have been having usually happen when by body is attacking the embryo and then a few days later it’s all over.

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Photo: first stick test – am hoping it’s not a chemical.

Wednesday 24th February 2016

Today is 9dp5dt. If you are a fellow IVFer you wouldn’t bat an eyelid at that. For all you lucky ones who read that as ‘what on earth!’ It means 8 days post 5 day embryo transfer (see a few days ago). I decided to do a first morning urine test to see if there’s two lines. And sure enough there were, but still very faint. My heart sank as it took a little while to come up.

I drove to work not knowing what I was feeling. Happy because there is a slight glimmer of hope. Or sad because we don’t know if this is a strong enough line. See, this is why I wasn’t going to test myself this time around! I was going to wait for the blood test and save the stress!

So as I was driving it dawned on me…. This could still be the trigger in my system! I had gone to Dr Google last night and it said that the trigger can take 10-12 days to get out of the system and therefore could return a positive result on a pregnancy test but still be a negative in reality. I tried not to worry about this for the rest of the day.

On my drive home I started doubting my thinking… if the trigger takes 10-12 days to leave the body… then I calculated wrong. Trigger happened 2 days before egg pick up, and then the transfer happens 5 days post egg pick up not including egg pick up day. So that means trigger then 2 days, add egg pick up day, that takes us to 3 days, then add 5 days embryo growing time to transfer that’s now 8 days… I am not 9 days post transfer so that makes me 17 days post trigger injection. So surely this can’t be from the trigger?

Thursday 25th February 2016

I am becoming a poas crazy person. I decided that today being 10dp5dt I should see if that line is any darker. I did another poas. The wet bypassed the pregnancy line and went straight to the control line. I didn’t see a line. My heart sank. This is why I didn’t want to do these stupid tests! They mess with your head. Then slowly, a line started to appear. And by the 3 minute mark where you’re meant to look at the test there was a darker line than the day before. It still wasn’t very dark so we will just have to hold our hopes and say our prayers.

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Photo: The line got darker. I was worried it could be the rigger or a chemical.

Friday 26th February 2016

The day has finally arrived to find out one way or another if I am pregnant and if the levels are viable or not. I decided to do one last poas using a First Response test. These are the expensive type that you use when you start this ttc (trying to conceive journey). But as the many months and years roll by, we start to buy the cheapest bulk packs as we know we may need many, and most will turn up a negative. So I decided to splurge and dig out one of the ‘real’ tests. The pretty ones. I did my poas. Expecting another faintest of lines. And to my surprise a very strong line came up straight away. Wow these expensive ones are amazing! The luxury! It was like watching a beautiful symphony! Haha well it was in my head as the realisation came that perhaps this is a good test.

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Off I went for my blood test. Now thinking I may get some kind of hcg reading (pregnancy hormone). I wasn’t sure how high it may go though. If it is low, then the pregnancy probably isn’t viable. So I prayed and hoped and then tried not to think about it.

I had so many lovely ladies in the IVF groups wishing me well for the blood test today. Some of these ladies have become part of a close sisterhood. We all support each other and are there for each other in the highs and lows. It’s so nice knowing that I have an army of sisters behind me!

I missed a call from the clinic as I couldn’t answer my phone. Then I got a text from Scott saying ‘can you talk?’ My heart sank a little. If it were good news surely he would text it to me so I’m put out of my misery of fear! Then I got a missed call from him as I couldn’t answer my phone at work. As soon as I could I called him back. He had spoken to the clinic. I leaned against the wall and braced myself. His voice was happy. This must be a good sign. He said he wrote down my levels. Usually they want us around the 100 mark for the pregnancy hormone and around 100 for the progesterone – you need this to be able to carry a baby. My beta (pregnancy hormone level) is 450 and the progesterone is 474! That right there is an answered prayer! I prayed that if this is going to be a good result, for it to be an amazing one! And God delivered!!!

So here is our news… WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is very early days. I will have to see how this goes, so as much as congratulations sounds like the ‘right thing’ to say, it’s probably better to keep us in your prayers please. This is the first step in a very long proses of steps. I have another blood test in a week to see how my levels go. The levels need to double every 48-72 hours for this to be a viable pregnancy. We hope and pray that my levels sky-rocket!

I can’t believe that on Tuesday I was crying thinking we had no hope for this cycle. Thank you everyone who has been praying for us and cheering for us. This next week is pretty crucial. By Friday next week we should know more about the blood test levels. And if they are good I will have to have another transfusion at another $650. Anything to keep this pregnancy going! And then a scan at around 6-7 weeks. Currently this makes me 4 weeks.

So we thank you for sharing our journey with us. It is far from over. This is only a new beginning. We will try our best to keep updating this blog. Again, sorry for the delay – it’s been so busy and we have had so much on our plate – still do. Please continue to pray for us and for our miracle to come to be.

Toby Mac (on Facebook) puts up these quotes each day. Overt the last few months of this journey, the quotes have been great. I have saved them and read them every day. Head over to that FB page for some great inspiration.

We know many people wait until the ‘safe time’ of 12 weeks to share their news. For us, we don’t believe in this for many reasons. One being that it only covers up the many losses that people have and therefore gives a false perspective in general – ie if you don’t hear about the losses you don’t know how many people have them. Also, it is implying that a baby before 12 weeks doesn’t deserve to be celebrated and shared, or grieved if they pass away. We believe in sharing the highs and the lows, so we want to share from the start. Plus, there really is no such things as a ‘safe time.’ Babies can die at any part of the carrying stage, plus they can also die in birth or post birth. There is never a safe time and only sharing at the 12 week mark only adds to this myth, so we don’t believe in hiding this special news to us from all of you. We want to celebrate with joy and we refuse to allow the perceived, and traditionally, ‘done thing’ to dictate when we can do that. We also refuse to allow our past to dictate our future. So we are speaking with boldness and braveness that this baby will come to be. We are due in early November, 2016! 🙂

There is a new life inside of me that is growing and changing daily. We want to celebrate this life right away. We want to be part of the growing change in our society and culture.

Photos: positive tests, some of the medications our little embryo that is now growing inside of me. Needle count is up to 37 needles now and counting. Keep growing into a real, live baby!

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