waiting for a miracle

10 weeks – baby is moving!

on April 9, 2016

It’s interesting how when we are open about how we feel, after we tell someone, the heavy weight of the fears seems to lift a little. After I shared how anxious I was about the 10 week scan on Friday because that was the scan last time when we found out Hope had passed away, I felt an overwhelming wave of support and prayer power. So much so because many others can relate their own fears and anxieties. I’m truly sorry that others have walked this path, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. But a positive is that we can all support each other. 

Anyway, by Thursday afternoon I was feeling very ready for our scan, to see where we are at and how everything is going. Knowledge is a powerful thing. I had been reciting a few great bible verses and felt a lot of peace and calmness. I went to bed ready to sleep, but my subconscious had other plans. Every time I slept, I had the same reoccurring nightmare. We were in the scan room, and our sonographer turns to me and says, “I’m so sorry…” And in true pregnancy style, I would wake up during the night to pee a few, almost dozen, times. So this nightmare kept repeating each time I went back to sleep. I tried not to let it bother me each time, and countered it with the bible verses each time I pee’d. By the time my alarm went to get up for work I was exhausted!! I decided in the morning that it was going to be a great day! I decided that the worst had already happened a few too many times over in my nightmares so the day could only get better. The best was yet to come. 

Scott picked me up straight after work and we did our best to get to the city and our appointment on time. They were running late and so were we by the time we got there so it was well timed. Scott did have to let me out early so I could save the walk from the car park to the clinic – a full bladder for an ultrasound and a pregnant lady bladder isn’t a great combination. Haha. I got inside the clinic and they said I could go let some out for 5-10 seconds. Ah, how will I stop myself?! Haha. 

Scott got there just before I was called in. And it was our favourite sonographer. She really is amazing! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the clinic is so lucky to have her. She makes everyone feel so welcome and calm. 

I walked in to the scanning room feeling an incredible sense of peace that no matter what happened next, everything would be okay. 

I got up onto the bed and she got the equipment ready. Scott got his phone ready. πŸ˜‰ She stopped to say a quick prayer again and then the ultrasound machine went onto my belly. She gave a big smile and a sigh of relief. She said there’s a heart beat! Our baby is alive!!!!!! 

Then she showed us our little IVF baby’s heart beating away. And then the most amazing thing happened. She showed us on the screen that our baby was MOVING!!!! Ivy (we’ve decided to call this one as a nick name Ivy, short for IVF baby and nicer than saying ‘it’) was moving around, stretching out, even crossing their legs!!! We saw the nose, mouth, arms, legs, head, brain development. Wow! It’s incredible how something that is only about 3cm can be so developed and can already be so active. 

  
Photo: you can see the head, nose, arms and legs. Pretty cool. πŸ˜‰

We had prayed that Ivy would be on track or even ahead. Well, that prayer was answered too. Ivy is measuring 10 weeks and 2 days (on track) when curled up, but measuring 10 weeks and 6 days when stretched out. She said that the stretched out measurement is more accurate but for now we will keep the due date and how far I am set at the 10 weeks and 2 days, we can adjust it later in the pregnancy as things pan out – that way there is room to grow and adjust rather than feel behind, I think. The heart beat was sitting at 168 which is pretty good too. She said that if it’s too high it’s not a good thing. I went in hoping for 180 so I’m glad I didn’t get what I want because sometimes we want the wrong things. πŸ™‚

We watched Ivy moving around for quite a bit and she showed us all sorts of things. It sounds and looks like this one is a keeper. That if we keep doing our job with the meds and looking after myself, this baby is here to stay. We know that there is a long way to go, but we are also finally over our big hurdle of 10 weeks. Hooray!!!! Officially over a quarter of the way through this pregnancy. πŸ˜‰ 

The next scan is the 12 week one which is at a different place. It is the big screening one and the blood tests too. They check for all sorts of things. It will just be nice to see Ivy again and check the progress. Lots of people only announce their pregnancy if, after that scan, when they know if their baby is okay or not. 

I’m so glad we have been blessed with the opportunity to share our pregnancy and our IVF journey this round right from the start. We have felt so different with this pregnancy. We have had such incredible prayer power and positive thoughts behind us, that even when this insanely positive person (yours truly) felt incredibly overwhelmed in the lead up to the scan, I was given a reality check by everyone with your positivity. So thank you!! Yes, I was in a bit of a rut and I snapped out of it really fast. Thank you!!! 

This week a few ladies have not had such great news at their scans. They are feeling what we felt in October, and many times before that. My heart truly breaks for them and for their partners. While we are celebrating the most incredible blessing and beginning to allow ourselves to feel excited, others are grieving the loss of their hopes and dreams for now. Their world has become a little darker in this present moment. I know the feeling of numbness, anger, hurt and being unable to breathe – like your chest is being sat on. I pray that they will all have healing and answers to help them move forward. That they will not give up. That they will know that they are stronger than they can imagine and this storm that they are going through has blessings to come. And I pray that they will have comfort and support around them. If you can spare a prayer for these ladies and their families, I know that incredible power of prayer will guide them when they feel so lost.   

I decided to stay off social media on Friday because I stay off of it at work, and I also didn’t want to let myself lose my calmness before the scan – so I didn’t jump on my phone in the waiting area. I didn’t want to read anything that could upset me – I cry when I see other’s sad posts or sad stories. Yes, I also cry when I see roadkill. I actually don’t cry a lot otherwise but I feel other’s pain in a way I can’t describe. So I didn’t want to let myself lose my calm and positive headspace. 

After the scan, in the car on the way home, I was quietly in tears (happy ones) at the incredible support and well wishes. From everyone and from all over the world. Thank you!!! Even my beautiful “Due in May” sisters were all asking how our scan went. I’m so touched, that a group I reluctantly left, 6 months ago, still remember me and are still caring about us! Girls, if you are reading this – from the bottom of my heart, thank you!!!! I have tears in my eyes writing this. I’m so excited to see/hear all about your miracles coming to be in the next few weeks. Some of you have already had your babies and it’s the most beautiful thing to see! I think of you all so often. I’m so so so excited for May to come. Instead of dreading the month that Hope was due, I’m over the moon excited!!! There are going to be so many loved babies being born in and around May. So many happy parents who have waited years and years to hold their babies. Who have gone to the ends of the earth, just about, to have their babies. I wish you all the best as you rest up and prepare for your new chapters in your journeys. Thank you all for the most amazing support and love you have all shown to Scott and to me. You’re all beautiful, strong women! A beautiful sisterhood. 

  
Photo: I couldn’t take a photo where I didn’t look completely exhausted, because – I’m pregnant and completely exhausted!!! Woo hoo!

And to everyone along on this ride with us. A massive thank you, too! From the bottom of my heart! I can’t thank you all enough for caring, and for taking time out of your busy days to pray for us and check in on us. It means the world to us. There really aren’t enough words to describe just how amazing and comforting it is to have your support. It has helped to make this journey not as scary and certainly not so isolating anymore. I don’t know why for all these years we held these secrets so close to ourselves, that even our own families didn’t know. I’ve learned that it’s okay to invite others in. Thank you for teaching me that. 

We will continue to update here – thank you for taking the time to read. I’m always so surprised that it gets read by anyone other than me. Haha. I know I can over think things and talk/write waaaaaaay too much, so thank you for reading. I hope we don’t bore you to tears. πŸ™‚ Thank you all for the messages – they always bring a smile or a happy tear. Thank you πŸ˜‰

We will also continue to hope and pray for Ivy to grow strong. That this pregnancy goes well. And as we do, we hold each of you in our prayers, too. That you will all be blessed beyond measure. Thank you again for your support. A hug, a message, a smile, a prayer, a quote, a text, whatever – it’s all amazing and great. Thank you all!!!! I can’t wipe this smile off of my face. πŸ˜‰ I’m so relieved that the scan went well. I’m so excited for what will be in our future xxx

β€œFor in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.”

Romans‬ ‭8:24-25‬ ‭NIV‬‬

PS A special reward for reading so far πŸ˜‰ Here is a video of Ivy moving. πŸ˜‰ and us in the background being amazed and very quickly falling in love with the smallest little thing. πŸ˜‰


18 responses to “10 weeks – baby is moving!

  1. Erin says:

    So so precious, I’m so excited for you both. Ivy is so gorgeous πŸ™‚ xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Judy Small says:

    Perfect ….

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Jules W says:

    Hey Jen it is Jules and I cannot begin to tell you how blessed I feel for you guys. I am amazed by modern medicine, my mum couldn’t have kids, often miscarriaging while watching her sister have ten single births. IVF is a modern miracle. I haven’t seen you guys for a long time but I care so much about your happiness. Kim and I will be watching at every step. xox

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sandy says:

    Yay!, Wahoo!
    Love you guys and little Ivy

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Zoe says:

    so lovely to see “Ivy” moving. Love the little nickname

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Amanda says:

    Wow, wow, wow!!! So happy ❀️❀️❀️

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Gaye Beath says:

    Jen, this is such an amazing blog. I know your Mum from High school, Deirdre and I were close friends and John and I were in the same class for many years…… and now I feel as though I know you too. We’re praying right along with you – everything is just looking so good and positive and healthy. Thank you for sharing this with so many. xxxx

    On Saturday, 9 April 2016, waiting for a miracle wrote:

    > Jen posted: “It’s interesting how when we are open about how we feel, > after we tell someone, the heavy weight of the fears seems to lift a > little. After I shared how anxious I was about the 10 week scan on Friday > because that was the scan last time when we found out H” >

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jen says:

      Thanks so much Gaye. We really appreciate the prayers more than we can express. Thank you for sharing the beautiful history that we share too. πŸ˜‰ Thanks again so very much xxx

      Like

  8. I had to read this again Jen, when I had more time to really read it and watch the video. I had a smile plastered on my face the whole time reading and the video was just incredible! Isn’t it so amazing that at just 10weeks you can see the baby kicking and moving around. So amazing.
    And I so love that you shared your journey of pregnancy from start to finish. I was just saying to my hubby the other day that the majority of people wait until the 12 week mark to announce which is fine. But I think that the reason why miscarriages and pregnancy loss is not well spoken about is because they are hidden, because no one knows they are pregnant. I think that’s sad. So when I had my 2 ectopic pregnancies, I still treated them like pregnancies, I got the 2 lines and I was ‘pregnant’ and when you are ‘infertile’ that in itself is worth celebrating.. and i’m glad that we told our family, it meant I got to have that “omg you are pregnant’ moment, even if it only lasted a few weeks. It also meant that when we had the ectopics, my family and close friends knew what we were going through and were there to support us. And I educated a lot of people about ectopic pregnancies, a lot had no idea what they were… Anyhow sorry to ramble lol I should make this a blog post haha. But I just wanted to say I think its wonderful to share your story from the beginning. πŸ™‚

    cant wait to follow your pregnancy, I feel your fear and worry. I can’t hope enough that little Ivy continues to grow strong. πŸ™‚ xxxxx

    Ps. I added a little follow me button on my page. I didn’t realise I didn’t have it on there.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jen says:

      Aw thanks Kimberley. You brought tears to my eyes too. I’m always holding you close in my prayers too – I know you will get your miracle because you won’t give up until you do.
      I totally agree about the lack of understanding and knowledge out there – which is why we decided to be open from the very moment we got the positive. The only way to see change is to be part of it. πŸ™‚ Celebrating every moment of life πŸ™‚
      I’m so sorry for your heartache and losses. I’m glad that you have shared openly, too, and had the support needed. I feel that’s what is a more natural thing to do. πŸ˜‰
      I will go to yours and try find the follow button. πŸ˜‰ I love reading your blogs. Sending you lots of love. xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Alicia says:

    Wonderful Jen. Simply inspiring☺

    Liked by 1 person

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